Bonding

Today I have bonding on my mind. From the time we're born till the time we die we're bonding with people and sometimes things. We bond with our parents and sibs when we're born, then extended family and then friends. Then when we're grown we bond with our spouse and then our own children and so on. But I'm really talking about the kind of bonding that we have with some of the major "things" in our lives, like where we live and what we drive. I know, I know...sounds weird but hear me out. About five years ago I bought with cash (tax money) my very own car. I had spent months online and checking out adds in the paper for just the right car for me that I could afford. Then I spot this cute little Saturn on a small lot in Rantoul and just fell in love with it. I test drove it, it was a standard shift and looked it all over throughly and asked lots of questions. I decided that it was my car but....I had to wait for the taxes. So for weeks I would drive by the lot to make sure it was still there and just imagine myself in my new car. Finally the taxes came and I went to purchase my new (used) car. When I got there it was gone, I was so disheartened, but upon inquiring about the car was told that so and so had taken it to be serviced and such and would be right back. An hour later I drove off the lot with my very own, paid for, much needed car. I loved it! We were bonded instantly! Right away the car felt comfortable, I felt confident driving it, it was MY car and I could see myself driving it forever, I loved everything about it. Even it's manual windows and key only entry. I happily drove that car for two years and then....it was totaled. I won't go into the details but I was wounded (only figuratively). My first concern was for the ones in the car (I wasn't driving it)once I knew they were ok (Thank God) I turned to the car and was heartbroken at what I saw. My brain couldn't wrap around the idea that I would never be driving that car again...after all "we were bonded". I noticed as I was walking around the car that the in the crash the little Saturn insignia that is on the front of all Saturns had come off and was lying on the road. I sadly picked it up and put it in my pocket. Today it resides in a keepsake box and I now have a new (used car). Now I have a 2006 Ford Focus, really nice car, even has power windows and keyless entry, but...it took me like a year to bond with it. People would ask me how I was liking my new car and I would say, "Oh it's ok, but it's not the Saturn." For almost a year it felt like I was driving someone else's car and everytime I would see a Saturn like mine I would long for it. I don't know when, why or how it happened but one day I realized that I had bonded with the Focus. I still have fond memories of the Saturn but now I'm finally comfortable, confident and proud of my Focus.

Now lets switch it up to where we live. I recently moved into a new apartment from an apartment that we had lived in for five years. Even though the move was elective on my part and not to mention much needed for the pocket book. I am not yet bonded with this new place. There are many things and reasons to like this place better but...were not bonded. It still feels a little like someone elses house and doesn't yet provide me with that feeling of homeness everytime I walk in the door. Right now it's just a means to an end, a roof over our heads, a place for our stuff etc. I long for the day when I walk in the door and feel that relief of crossing from chaos, noise, hustle, bustle into safety, solitude...."homeness."